


Catfish

by Spacehotdog



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Brother dynamics, Comedy, F/M, Illumi should not have a drivers license, Light-Hearted, Milluki leaves the house!, Multi, Road Trips, Secret Crush, online games, somewhat ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacehotdog/pseuds/Spacehotdog
Summary: Milluki has been talking to a girl online and the two are really hitting it off! Turns out, she's Kawaii-Kika, a popular online game streamer, cosplayer, and (in Milluki's opinion) a perfect 10. Kika mentions she will be a guest at Moe-Moe con, Padokea's largest anime and game convention, and asks Milluki if he will be attending. After devising a plan to leave Kookaroo Mountain without his parents knowing, Milluki convinces Illumi to go on a road trip with him as his wingman. He wants to spy on Kika to make sure she's the real deal, and not catfishing him. The two brothers learn a lot about each other on their road trip to their first anime Convention.
Relationships: Illumi Zoldyck/Milluki Zoldyck
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	Catfish

"On your left! On your left!!" Milluki's voice boomed into his gaming headset, fingers typing furiously over high energy music. 

"I know I see him!" A girl's voice chimed into Milluki's ears. 

"TEN ..NINE...EIGHT..."The automated narrator began to count down as the finale music sped up. 

"He's getting away!" Milluki growled.

"Haha! Not if I can help it!!" 

A purple flash took over the screen, prompting a character's animated finishing move. 

"Gotcha beech!!" The feminine voice sang. 

_THUNK_

A high speed missile launched from the upper portion of a multi screen set up and struck the target head on in an explosion of cartoon gore. 

_HEADSHOT_

Animated text filled the screen and oozed down revealing the score card for team Zoldyck vs Team Ninja69. 5 to 4. 

Team Zoldyck wins!! 

"OH!!! OH MY GOD DID YOU FRIKKIN SEE THAT!" 

"YOU BET I DID!" Milluki shouted, a giant smile stretched across his face. "That was SICK! You saved the special move for the last second! Risky move, m'lady, risky move! but I gotta give it to ya! You know how to win a game!" 

"Ha!ha! I know! Aaaand" She nearly sang the word. "The payoff gained us an extra 4k points!" 

Kikia Mooney, or KawaiiKikia as she was known online, was a popular cosplayer and competitive game streamer in the Twitch community. Her popularity has been on a steady uptick in the past few years and has earned her guest appearances, convention panels and promotional acting opportunities on multiple platforms. Basically, she was an online celebrity of sorts, but her relationship with Milluki has been anything but shallow. 

The two had met five months ago on an MMO playing in a guild together and had become fast friends. Text chats soon become voice calls and games would easily extend well into the early hours of the next morning. It was safe to say Milluki had developed a serious crush within the month that only seemed to intensify as time went on, and Kika's online popularity was only a small part of it. Though of course, he never told her any of this. As long as Kika was concerned, their online relationship was nothing but platonic. 

Milluki felt his heart flutter and he shivered in his seat from the rush of adrenalin "Holy crap, you're right! Always upstaging me in the points department." Another shiver, was the heat turned off? 

"Well, it seems I can't stop being a professional even when I'm off the clock. It's a curse I'm afraid, teehee!" 

The cute girlish giggle sent another flutter of butterflies twirling in Milluki's stomach. 

"Yeah I know the feeling." Another shiver. "Just a sec…" Grumbling he sent a text message to one of the butlers, ordering them to turn the heat back on. 

"Another round?" Kika's voice sang through the headset, but Milluki had suddenly found himself unable to respond. 

"Millu?" Kika's voice sounded small in his ear. 

A dark, heavy presence washed over Milluki, and he was suddenly aware of how isolated he was. How alone he was. In his dark room, only illuminated by computer monitors. 

Alone. 

A l o n e. 

"Mom says dinner’s ready" 

"GAH!!" Milluki nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his brother's voice sound directly behind him. "I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK FIRST, JERK!" 

Illumi had a bad habit of sneaking up on people like that and scaring them to death. Sometimes it actually worked. 

"I did." Illumi said flatly, flipping on the light, somehow having moved from right behind Milluki's computer chair to the light switch by the door in the blink of an eye. 

_Show off_ Milluki thought, shielding his eyes from the sudden unwelcome brightness. 

"You were too busy playing Fork Knife to hear me." 

"It’s ForkNIGHT! Holy SHIT you're embarrassing!! And I haven't played that in years, GEEZ!! This is a completely different game???" 

"Is that your brother? Tell him I say hi!!" Kika's voice sang through the headset. 

"Oh!" Milluki could feel his face start to turn red, it was no secret between him and Illumi that he had a huge crush on Kika. And there was also no shortage of teasing that came with it, usually in the form of Illumi trying to out Milluki's true feelings. "Uh!! Yeah it's him. I uh...dinners ready, so I gotta get off voice chat." 

"Ok talk later, Millu!" 

Call ended: 03:45:17 

Milluki could feel his brother smirking at him without even looking. 

"Talk later Millu, awww how sweet!" 

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM, DICKHEAD!!" Milluki yelled, tossing his wireless headphones at Illumi, who was no longer there. 

_Showoff_

*****

It had taken Milluki around twenty more minutes to make it to the dinner table, a last minute discord message had stopped him in his tracks, drawing out his conversation with Kika-chan. 

By the time he got to the table, Illumi had finished eating and gone to his room, leaving only his Mother Kikyo, Grandfather Zeno, Father Silva, Great Grandfather Maha, and little brother Kalluto at the long dining table. The space was warmly lit by lamplight and what was left of the setting sun coming in through the large floor to ceiling windows. Small slits of rainbows decorated the walls by light that bounced off the enormous crystal chandelier hanging directly over the table. To the untrained eye, this was a picturesque scene of a perfectly peaceful family.

"Millu-darling, so nice to finally see you!!" Kikyo's shrill voice rang like a piercing bell. 

"Sit down! We kept your plate warm for you, dear!”

As Milluki sat at the table a butler stepped forward, lifting the porcelain dome covering his plate setting. Roast duck, candied sweet potatoes, fried lotus root and pork ribs covered every possible inch of platter space, eliciting a loud rumble from Milluki's midsection. 

"I made sure you had all your favorites, Millu-Dear." Kikyo's saccharine voice sang as her second oldest started to chow down. To her left, Kalluto sat quietly, sipping on a glass of orange juice. 

"Goodness, you talk as if he's half starved." Zeno grumbled. "If there’s anyone I'd baby about eating, it's Illumi." A portion of fried lotus root temporarily shut him up.

"Boy eats like a sparrow, I tell ya!" Another shovel of lotus root. "He'll never uphold the family name if he's too skinny to fight!" An accusatory thrust of chopsticks added the final flourish to his statement before diving back for more.

"Ahh Milluki dear, take another plate back for your brother won't you?” Kikyo doted, the robotic red eye of her visor simultaneously scanning the room. “He never eats enough when he works these intense jobs. You know how he gets so focused, ahhh my beautiful grown up boy, he's had more work than you this month, Silva dear." 

"Humph" -a muffled grumble echoed into the chalice Silva was currently drinking from, earning a scoff from grandpa Zeno and a tiny grin from Kalluto. 

"Why don't you cut his food into little pieces and feed it to him like a bird while you're at it?" Grandpa Zeno chuckled under his breath as he elbowed Silva in the ribs, joking. The statement had most of the family giggling, but it only opened up a whirlwind of emotion from Kikyo. 

"DON'T YOU PATRONIZE ME, ZENO!!” Kikyo’s hands slammed the dining room table, causing what felt like the entire room to shake with the sudden force. “I KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR MY BABIES!!!” --That put a stop to things.  
  


“Nooooow, Millu-dear" kikyo cooed, emotions suddenly flipped. "Take this over to Illumi, ok sweetie?" She snapped her fingers, calling a butler to prepare a plate immediately.

"Yeah, ok" he answered, mind elsewhere. The juxtaposition of his Mother’s emotions having no visible effect on him. 

"How's the tracking bug project coming along, Milluki?" Silva's deep baritone voice changed the subject, though there was still a hint of a smile screwing up his mouth from Zeno’s previous statement. 

Milluki didn't answer, absently chewing on the end of a rib. 

"Milluki!" 

"Huh??" That brought him back to reality. "Oh it’s almost done. Just gotta do a final test on the cloaking capabilities and it'll be good to go. No sweat." He quickly swallowed and took another large bite, talking with his mouth full. "I'll ...probably be working on it in my room all weekend..." 

"Great to hear, son." 

"Uh huh…" Milluki answered flatly, taking the extra plate one of the butlers had finished preparing and left the table without saying goodbye. 

"Nice manners on that kid." Zeno mumbled, mouth full of food. 

*****

_KawaiiKika: bwt did you say you were going to Moe-Moe con this weekend? We should meet up!!_

The simple line of text flashed over and over in his mind's eye as he made his way down the mansion's halls towards his brother's room. 

_SSJ3Piggy: Like, in person??_

_KawaiiKika: omg lol duh! I'm gonna be at a streamer panel and do meetups right after._

_KawaiiKika: it would be really cool to finally meet in person. I feel like we've been internet friends 5 ever lol!!_

_SSJ3Piggy: I know! Yeah I'll b there! Totally!_

_SSJ3Piggy: I'm looking at the schedule now, it's the streamer panel on Saturday at 5pm?_

_KawaiiKika: yep!! That's the one!_

_KawaiiKika: omg there's a frikkin capcom event the SAME time as my panel, I'm so bummed about that!!_

_SSJ3Piggy: they should have had you as a contestant, you would have kicked everyone's ass!_

_KawaiiKika: lol!! Guess they can't have me upstaging them too much /s_

_SSJ3Piggy: I'm onto their sly ways!_

_KawaiiKika: LOLLLL!!!_

"What the hell are you doing, weirdo?" If Illumi's somber tone of voice hadn't brought Milluki out of his daydream, the high speed electric guitar riff he started to play definitely did. Just like Illumi to ask a question and then immediately make it impossible to answer. 

"Mom said to give this to you." Milluki finally said, realizing he'd been standing right outside his brother's bedroom door, daydreaming, and apparently absently eating all the food on Illumi's packed plate. All that was left was a few steamed carrots and one pathetically small slice of duck. 

"How generous of her." Another quick string of metal guitar notes, though the tone of his voice made it difficult to tell if he was being sarcastic or completely genuine. "Put it on the dresser, I'll get to it eventually." 

Illumi's room was weirdly normal looking, though something about it gave off an oddly creepy vibe. A couple of family pictures lined the walls. Drawings from when his younger siblings were little, pet beetles and centipedes in gallon tanks by the wall. It was all so unthreatening on its own, but put Illumi in there and it immediately became so. At least it would be to anyone unrelated to him. 

"Grandpa thinks you're not eating enough again..." Milluki spoke over his brother's guitar playing as he crossed the floor to put the plate down, pushing a few long needles out of the way to make room. 

"Oh yeah? What'd he have to say about you?" Illumi didn't give his brother a chance to answer, as he was already playing another power cord, leaning all the way back, letting his silky hair hang over the foot of his bed.

Milluki felt his brows pinch together in annoyance, Illumi was always extra bratty when he was stressed out. And the past few months had given him literally no days off. Suffice to say, the family business was booming thanks to him.

"I got a favor to ask you!" Milluki tried to speak over the music, or rather noise at this point, since Illumi was cranking the volume with his foot while mouthing the words _sorry can't hear you._

"AHH!! WILL YOU QUIT IT!!" Milluki yanked the AUX cord, slicing off the music in a high-pitched squeak and gripped the neck of Illumi’s guitar with his other arm. He may not be as skilled in combat as Illumi, but he was still psychically as strong as an ox. 

Illumi stared at him, eyes unreadable. "...What?" 

Milluki hesitated, the words stuck in his throat. If he decided to go through with this plan, there was no turning back. 

"...What??" Illumi asked again, though this time Milluki thought he sensed the slightest bit of understanding. 

"I..." he gulped. "I need you to drive me to Moe-Moe con."

*****

"I need you to drive me to Moe-Moe con." The words felt utterly stupid leaving his mouth, especially when Illumi just stared back as if he didn't understand a word he just said. --to be fair, he may not have. 

"It's a convention in Datorea Harbor...about 150 miles from here." 

"A convention?” Illumi seemed to process this. “For your dolls?" 

"NO!! Well-I mean--there is a dealer’s room that sells figures, but it's more gaming and anime." 

Illumi just tilted his head, dark eyes unblinking. 

"I was wondering if you could….maybe...give me a ride?" Milluki was starting to feel utterly foolish for asking, sooner or later he would have to reveal his true intention for needing Illumi to drive him.

"You want me to drive you?" Illumi tilted his head the other way, still staring with his dark saucer-like eyes as his fingers kept busy playing now silent chords. "Why can't you ask one of the butlers to take you? I bet Tsubone would love to hear all about your dolls convention." Ok that was definitely sarcastic. 

"I…" he headitated, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I...don't want mom and dad to know…" he mumbled the last sentence, eyes focused on the floor. 

"Why? You meeting a girl?" 

Milluki felt his pulse quicken. "...y-yeah…" 

"Huh." Illumi sat up straight. "A real one?" 

"YES A REAL ONE!!" Milluki shouted "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!" 

Illumi just gave a tiny grin. "Millu." There was venom in his voice this time, though the tone itself was gentle. "You’re asking me to go out of my way and drive you, on my only day off this month, all because you want to meet some girl?" his eyes widened slowly as he spoke, sucking up all the light in the room. "Why should I do that for you?" 

A bead of sweat trickled down Milluki's temple and he smiled nervously. If this didn't work he was out of options. 

"Because... you're my big brother and you love me?" Milluki's eyes turned up in a too-sweet grin, the dimples in his cheeks clearly visible. 

Illumi stared, brows knit together as if deep in thought. Eventually he signed and closed his eyes. "Fine." 

"...R-really?" 

"Yes." he sighed again, getting up from his bed to put his flame detailed electric guitar back on it’s stand. “It just so happens I’ve got a job in Datorea Harbor this weekend. How convenient of you to ask me such a thing.” He wasn’t looking at his brother as he made his way over to his dresser, back to Milluki. “It’s almost as if you had planned this.” His eyes glanced up, dark voids swallowing up his brother through the reflection of the mirror that hung on the wall.

Milluki choked out a too-loud laugh. “Hah! I know!” a gulp. “Lucky coincidence, huh?” A lie. He’d hacked into the family business portal and had been shifting Illumi’s schedule around weeks prior just so he could ask him this favor. It was unbelievably selfish (and risky) but that wasn’t exactly foreign in the Zoldyck household. 

Illumi’s eyes stayed locked on Milluki while his fingers grabbed the head of a long needle that rested on his dresser and brought it up to his head, "Give me the address and get out of my room before I change my mind. I have a job in a few hours and I need to get ready."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter of my first HXH fanfic! I've had this idea stewing in my mind for a while and I'm really excited to write the next chapters. Comments are always appreciated :)


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